Thoughts Were Spinning In My Head (6/6-Stephanie Chua)

Had a rude wakeup call when I received an email from Alexis about our 60 minutes teaching slot(s) AND our YTT exams schedule. First thing that came to my mind was “Oh my goodness, I am so NOT ready.” Where did time go? At the beginning of YTT, I felt like “Oh hey, one small step at a time and all’s good.” Then BAM! End of the month of November are my exams and next week I’ll be teaching people who are NOT my classmates.

A multitude of thoughts spins like a tornado in my head. Am I ready for this? I don’t know if I can teach so many people. How do I keep them safe? How do I make their time worthwhile? What if my sequences are too boring? What if I get a brain block? You can feel the insecurities and fear seeping in with every thought. But inside this storm, I feel a wee bit of excitement as well. I am somewhat excited to find my own way of teaching. I do want to impart what I have learnt during YTT and during the years of learning yoga from others that made me enjoy yoga and want to teach it. But how do I do it? How much knowledge should I impart so I do not sound like I’m giving a monologue? How do I find the right balance so people will walk away from my class learning something and feeling inspired to try more yoga classes?

Finally, I am worried for my exams. I always stink at exams. I am so worried that I actually took half a day off before the exams so I can adequately prepare and rest before the big day. I really want to pass this and tick this off my bucket list. At the same time, I’m feeling some form of sadness that this is going to end soon. Over the past two months, a bond between my classmates and I somehow happened. It was such a positive vibe with every YTT class and every feedback given by my classmates though direct, it’s all constructive and well meaning. We all grew and learn a lot together, it’s sad that it’s going to end soon. I have a feeling after the exams, we will all feel sad that this is over. Hopefully we will all keep in touch once this is all over and maybe meet up once in a while to hold classes with each other.

And most importantly, I hope that each and every one of us can overcome whatever fears we have and pass our exams with flying colors and become fantastic yoga teachers. Though I have one month to go, I have decided to spend the month focusing on my continuous growth with teaching yoga with my guinea pigs.. I mean friends and classmates for now and hope for the best. It’s been a fun and eventful ride thus far. I’m so glad I decided to take the leap and sign up for YTT. Let’s see where things will take me from now till graduation. And after graduation (if I don’t fail), somewhere and something awesome. Namaste.