So I was in China to film a game show called Lang Ren Sha (LRS) and completely missed 4 days of YTT.
For the benefit of those who are not familiar with the game, it is basically a game of deceit and truth. In a group you have the innocent villagers, the saints with super powers and finally the big bad wolves. The objective of the game is simple, the big bad wolves have to scheme to kill the rest, while the others have to work together to eliminate the wolves from the game. The game ends when either side succeeds in doing so.
The catch is that nobody in the game knows who each other is. Only the wolves know who their counterparts are. It is a wildly entertaining show to watch because as the audience, you are an “all-mseeing eye”. You are basically, God. And you know what is going on, you watch as the measly human beings battle it out against each other for survival.
It struck me that, Life is basically a LRS game.
We embody every character in the game within us. There are different sides to each and everyone of us; when our energy is disturbed our inner wolves rise in the dark to kill off any semblance of sanity within. Yet there are days when we are capable of good things, days when we act according to our principles, we feel in control and powerful.
My inner wolf definitely woke up over the past few days while in China. Don’t get me wrong I love my job but I was so worried about falling behind in YTT class!
Everyday I would see posts of my classmates progressing, doing postures that seem so difficult. I tried to do the usual pranayama and asanas in my hotel room early one morning, only to be disappointed by my rusty bones and sore muscles. Hours of bad postures have really affected the flexibility I have painstakingly built over the first week.
I was worried that catching up is going to be really tough on me.
I questioned why I fear, why the pressure. I was not fully enjoying my time in China. Then I took a step back, disconnected myself from the thoughts and let them linger. Like an audience in the game, I became the “all-seeing eye”. I felt no fear, no discomfort. The emotions were playing out in front of me and I merely acknowledged them, but I didn’t participate in them. I chose to be the audience in the game.
Yoga is not a competition. The fear of falling behind stems from comparison. Comparison against others and against the self one week ago at YTT. But the body and environment constantly changes, and there will never come a day when I will be truly free if I let myself be led by the inner wolf. I need to keep myself centered and be the audience.
Only then can I be called a true yogi.
May we always stay centered as the Audience in this Game of Life.