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A Non-Responsive Response – Kex (4/6)

Fear is an irrational but unavoidable phenomenon.

I know it’s irrational, because it’s doesn’t have any clairvoyant abilities. It doesn’t change the future, but it changes the present. Our response to fear is everything.

I thought of breaking down fear so that I can get to the root of the problem. Perhaps it’s my need for control over the outcome? Maybe I just need to be kind to myself and accept myself for what I am, where I am. Or is it the idea of failing that made me fear? I don’t want to be judged. I don’t want to be a bad teacher.

My analytical mind couldn’t stop working. And all of a sudden, I decided to just take a step back, and chill out.

I watched as my mind tried to make sense of every emotion. It was trying to convince my logical mind to not fear. That I was wrong to give in. But fear is an instinctive response, and I was fighting it with the logical mind.

So I watched as my mind tried to fix itself. And I chose not to participate. It was difficult, but if I can just try a little everyday, perhaps I can finally be free one day.

Fear will always arise, but our response, or in this case non-response, is everything.