Midway through YTT and I thought things would get easier based off the
previous weeks’ progress but road to progress is not always easy or painless.
Where my meditation became easier, my asanas were getting more
challenging – not because I was getting worse but because I paying more
attention to my alignment & form and being aware.
Also, I was confronted again with going upside down – forearm stand,
handstands and tripod headstands. I really freaked out and went on flight
mode. Instead of keeping calm in uncomfortable asanas (and life situations
more generally speaking), I ignored Jess’ reassurances and cues – choosing
to focus on my own fears and eventually I came out of an inversion in a not-so
ideal way and strained my lower back.
It was frustrating to have to sit out of physical practice for a day and take
things easy but it was good because it forced me to review my thoughts and
actions. What was I afraid of? Why did I keep trying to come out of the poses
even though I was doing perfectly fine? Why was I psyching myself out? All
these questions once again made me realise that this wasn’t just about yoga
but it was more about my perspective on the challenges I have in life and my
not-so ideal ways of handling them (ie. avoiding them, filling myself with
negative thoughts & putting fear before everything else, including help from
This revelation is something that I know I need to meditate on if I ever want to
improve not only in my practice, and being a teacher but also about personal
growth in life. Every day is a new opportunity to reset and try to fix the things
that need fixing.