It feels surreal to have finally begun my yoga teacher training course. It is something that I
have been meaning to do for years, but never felt truly ready until now. Yoga has an
incredible impact on my life. It is a philosophy and practice I would like to immerse myself
into even more and hopefully one day, be a muse that shares it with the world in my own
ways.
I think the reasons that I was not ready for this in the past have very little to do with time and
money. What held me back for so long were the unkind expectations I had placed on myself,
the negative thoughts of discouragement and fear. I would go into detail, but I do not want
my past to take up any more space than it does.
My first exposure to yoga was its spiritual and philosophical practice when I was 16. I have
struggled for a long time with anxiety and panic; it is so unpleasant. It is the feeling of losing
all control. At 14, I turned to doctors and medication to try and fix it, but it only made me feel
more vulnerable – like a prisoner in a meatsuit. At 16, I let that all go and decided to try
meditating, which helped radically. After which, I started to practice the asanas as well and
completely fell in love with how it made me feel connected to myself from the outside in.
Since then, yoga has nurtured me so much. I lost myself again a few years later, but it held
my hand and walked me back to who I am. It taught me how to show myself love and
patience, and therefore being able to translate that to everything and everyone else. It made
me a nice person.
Now, I am here. I am quite confident I will not go astray again but if I do, I am very confident
that the practice of yoga will guide me back to myself; back to here, wherever that may be in
time to come. I may have practiced for some time, but I am still a beginner, still slowly
learning and unlearning. I have so much progress to make, so much that still needs to be let
go of and that’s okay. I am excited to grow and unfold.
Raemier
200 Hour YTT Feb-May’21
