Today i opened my eyes and felt a deep sense of dread. I got annoyed with my little girl last night because she woke me up in the middle of the night as one side of her nostril was blocked. it’s been almost five years, I’m still not used to broken sleep. She needed help, and I couldn’t treat her with grace, long story short, i woke up feeling awful, thinking to myself, i’m not cut out for this, any of this.
Why the crap am I doing YTT200? maybe i should just stay home. maybe i should just give up. Yet a part of me dragged myself out of bed, amidst screaming kids, i got them changed and got myself ready, managed to take the crowded MRT to the studio. All the while thinking, ‘Oh man, I can’t do this.’
As I climbed up the stairs, and looked into the studio, rays of warm sunlight coming through the arch windows, the grumpiness I felt melted away a little. One by one, I was greeted with a beam, shiny white teeth, kind warm faces, and i feel myself being lifted by these beautiful souls.
Is it possible to have duo personalities? I feel myself come alive. I’m usually a grumpy mom, but when i’m in the studio with my YTT mates and teacher, I find myself a different person, i’m lighter, I laugh more, I feel like i can be myself.
The energy in my YTT community is amazing, everyone is so kind, so open and encouraging. We laugh at one another but there is no malice, we take ourselves lightly. we shed tears, we give one another space and bring tissues when needed. There is so much love.
And on that note, i proceeded to attempt a headstand, felt the sensation of floating, and eventually ended the class with mermaid pose, a pose I really wanted to do but been struggling all these weeks!
The encouragement, gentleness and energy I have received from my teacher, and my fellow YTT mates(who are so different from one another), are incredulous. I got to thinking, how truly wonderful the world would be if these are the kind of relationships we have with everyone.
It would be some kind of paradise.