As time passes, I can feel myself very slowly evolve from being a yoga practitioner to a yoga
teacher. Of course, there is still so much to learn, so much to improve on, and so many things
to understand about yoga, spirituality, anatomy, other people and myself. With consistent
practice, I’ve been able to make multiple breakthroughs that I am very happy with. I can
comfortably hold a side crow for longer, get into astavakrasana, get into an EPK (!!!), and
even experienced half a second of a handstand after being brought into it with Jessica’s
guidance and patience with me.
I’ve learned to appreciate and be proud of myself for taking things one step at a time. I used
to tend to rush into things, wanting to master something immediately and then beating myself
up for it if I didn’t. Back in one of our handstand practice classes, Jessica came up to me and
observed me for some time. She then told me there no point in hopping up and down a
hundred times if I cant first sit and recognize what it is I am afraid of, and why it is holding
me back from something I am physically capable of doing. That thought process really
helped me to sit back and be more introspective in my physical practice. I am overly
introspective in other, more personal aspects of my life but when it boils down to physically
doing something, I expect myself to be able to succeed even with many mental barriers that I
refuse to acknowledge and come to terms with – sometimes even choosing to ignore them.
Putting my own practice aside, I have also been getting more comfortable teaching other
people for their benefit. I realise that I enjoy teaching my friends and family one-on-one
much more than I enjoy teaching many people at once (that it not to say I don’t enjoy
teaching classes, I do). When teaching one-on-one I notice that I become hyper observant and
tend to ask them many questions about how they are feeling in their body, in their mind too. I
find it easier and in some ways, more meaningful giving people the specific right feedback
that would directly benefit them and their practice, their lives. It feels like a greater impact
knowing that sometime through the day, this person felt the benefits of the practice we shared
and randomly tells me about it. Teaching in a class is more lively and vibrant with all the
different energies colliding but its difficult to attend to every student and I end up feeling
really bad about it and feeling like I had failed at teaching all of them to the best of my
abilities. The pressure kicks in and I end up messing up the class and calling myself out for
my mistakes. I know I shouldn’t and that is something to work on. Nonetheless, I am very
excited and am feeling a lot of positivity.
Next weekend, both Saturday and Sunday at 8am are my community classes. In one class I
am calling 4 of my very best friends that I’ve known since I was 7. In another, my family –
my cousins who are my favourite people, and some friends too. I am so excited, not to show
them that I am a yoga teacher and that they should respect that, but simply to share my time
with them in a meaningful and productive and fun way. I am so incredibly nervous I can’t
describe it with words but at the same time I am looking forward to it very much. I foresee
myself getting very emotional when the second class is over, knowing I completed my
teaching exams and I am soon going to be qualified to share my growing knowledge of yoga
out in the world. Please leave a box of tissues out for me!
Ramier
200 Hour YTT Feb-May’21