We were asked to talk about our strengths and weaknesses today. My first thought was, crap! i’m weak all over, inside out. where do I even begin?
My body is weak, there are so many postures I’m struggling with due to the lack of muscles and training. My mind is weak, I lack determination to keep pushing. My heart is weak, thoughts of giving up have surfaced one too many times.
Every so often, I looked around at my fellow YTT mates trying a pose over and over again, eyes turning red and patches of perspiration stained their clothes, I sit on my mat, done after a few tries, I may once in awhile push myself to attempt a couple times, then I allow myself to think of how lazy I am, wondering why am I not as motivated as the rest of them? Why am I so weak? I continue to just sit there, observing everyone, allowing these thoughts to consume me , and not doing anything.
When it came to my turn to speak, hearing about others’ frequent exchanges with frustration, I said my weakness is I’m weak everywhere and I’m not frustrated. My lack of frustration may indicate my lack of determination, focus, and motivation. How am I ever going to progress, perhaps one day find myself capable enough to teach?
One of the most determined hardworking person I know in class, who also happened to be right next mat to me for this course, spoke up and said my presence brought her calm. what!!?
What I deemed as laziness and lack of determination, brought calm & comfort to someone else’s frustration, reminded the next person to slow down. Hmm. I can’t believe it, my heart ache slightly. Thank you, you tall slender beautiful soul.
This shift in perspective opened up my eyes. I need to learn to use different words.
My strengths are I’m able to be gentle with myself, i’m able to go easy on myself. I may not be working the hardest, but i’m working bit by bit at a time. I do not need to kick up to the wall, but i can do bunny hops with one leg up, and i’m going to keep on practicing.
I’m late, and I’m slow. but hey, this is not a race.