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The absurdity of perfection

We were weeks out from teaching, and yet I kept hearing that terrible voice at the back of
my head repeating a mantra that was oddly the 8mile prelude;

If you had one shot or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
Would you capture it, or just let it slip?

I could be perceived as an extrovert and someone who isn’t fussed with people or speaking,
but that nagging thought of how Im simply not enough debilitates me to the point that my
words don’t make sense.

I was barely good enough of a student to undertake the teacher training, so how in
the world could I ever be good enough to start in front of a class to teach?

In a separate chat with Jessica, she reminded me that messages from the universe
comes to you in many forms – some in music, some in art, and sometimes, they
come in the form of people. Time and time again, Ive been told to take a step back
and to understand why it was so important for me to be perfect to begin with, was it
needed to get me to the end line.

In all honesty, speaking in front of people I don’t quite know still scares the living
daylights out of me, but I think teaching scares me the most because firstly, I love
yoga a little too much in my own way, and I truly want to share the joys of the
practice which has enriched my life in so many ways. I guess it’s okay to be scared,
it reminds me that I still care.

Easier said than done but as I looked over my goals, I realized that I have made
progress. Not as quickly as I wanted to, but it still counts! For the first time, I actually
believed that I did enough! It’s one thing to say ‘I applaud all my little
accomplishments’, it’s a completely different thing for me to actually believe I
deserve praise even if I don’t reach my lofty goals. And for the first time, I truly
believed what I did was enough.

It’s a beautiful feeling.

 

Nurul
200 Hour YTT Feb-May’21

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