Today I managed to do an inversion – pincha mayurasana. What surprised me was that when I finally brought myself up, it didn’t come as much of a surprise. In fact, with all things considered, it shouldn’t even come as a surprise, because of all the prior drills and preparatory asanas we did. In my heart of hearts, I knew I would get up there eventually. I just didn’t trust in myself enough.
Pessimism can be such a disease. It eats away at your self confidence and you think yourself a lesser being. Every attempted kickup into the inversion, I tell myself it’s too scary, I shouldn’t do it, I’ll get hurt, I’ll break something. And this is in addition to all the reminders Jess was lovingly piping from the side – tuck your ribs, tuck your tailbone, remember this, try not to do that…can you imagine how noisy it gets in the head?
But after weeks of failed attempts my mind got too tired of all the noise. One day in class, I simply followed the instructions to align my body – which provided a temporary respite for my frantic brain – I kicked up, and there I was, looking at the world from another angle. A sweet sweet feeling.
I wonder what other goals are within our reach if we just did the steps that led up to it (with intention, of course), instead of letting our anxieties hold us back. If we simply trusted in the process and let things fall how they may. Of course it helps tons to have a good guide in Jess, as well as the support of your mates. No man’s an island, and having a great support system sure goes a long way.
Yoga may not be the answer to everything, but I’m beginning to see how it can offer a source of centering (both philosophically and physically) within ourselves in times of uncertainty.
200HR YTT Jul’21 Weekend